Why Healing Your Inner Wounds Changes Your Finances

[00:00:00] Diana Richey: For both men and women for years, for so many years we have had the societal and cultural thing about, not focusing on what we need, focusing plenty on what we want, the whole social media thing, but not focusing on what we need. Having trouble receiving, not having balance between output and input between active and rest.

[00:00:22] We are just bathing in what I would describe as an imbalance between. Active young energy, yin energy, but like the doing and the resting. The doing and the resting, I think. Productivity is king.

[00:00:40] Intro: Do you think money takes up more life space than it should? On this show, we discuss with and share stories from artists, authors, entrepreneurs, and advisors. About how they mindfully minimize the time and energy spent thinking about money. Join your host, Jonathan DeYoe, and learn how to put [00:01:00] money in its place and get more out of life.

[00:01:10] Jonathan DeYoe: Hey, welcome back on this episode of the Mindful Money Podcast. I’m chatting with Diana Richey, riche. Richey, oh, I should have asked my bad. Diana is a certified financial planner, CFP, project Management Pro, PMP trained mediator, and a nationally recognized personal finance expert. She loves helping people take control of their finances and as a financial planner and a tax lawyer, with over two decades of experience, she’s worked with individuals and represented multinational corporations on.

[00:01:37] Everything from sustainable investing to international tax planning, to charitable giving. I wanted to have her on the podcast to talk about the book, the Loving Truth About Money, A Practical Guide to Creating Financial Peace. Diana, welcome to the Mindful Money Podcast. 

[00:01:51] Diana Richey: Thanks, Jonathan. 

[00:01:53] Jonathan DeYoe: First, where do you call home?

[00:01:53] Where are you calling from? 

[00:01:55] Diana Richey: Jackson, Wyoming in the mountains. 

[00:01:58] Jonathan DeYoe: I love Jackson, Wyoming [00:02:00] Love. It’s so beautiful there. Took many fantastic hikes around there. I know a little bit of backstory, but where did you grow up? 

[00:02:06] Diana Richey: I bounced around a fair amount. We spent a lot of time in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

[00:02:10] I graduated from high school in Southern New Jersey in Haddonfield. We spent a few years in Germany when I was young, so always for my dad’s job moving around. 

[00:02:18] Jonathan DeYoe: So New Jersey, Pittsburgh. How do you end up there? 

[00:02:22] Diana Richey: I, let’s see, I ended up in Chicago for school. Met a guy, we spent a big chunk of time, six years in Chicago, and then we did four years in Boston.

[00:02:31] We came back to Chicago and then in 2018, I starting in 2017, really, I just, it all just fell apart. I. Kind of couldn’t do any of it at all anymore. And over the course of the next several years, I got a divorce. I got a dog. I moved west. I quit my corporate tax law job. It was a proper life crisis.

[00:02:52] Jonathan DeYoe: Yeah. Proper life crisis in the early years, bouncing around New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Germany. I’m curious about what [00:03:00] kind of money and entrepreneurship lessons you learned and as a corollary were those intentional lessons that were taught or the things you just picked up? 

[00:03:08] Diana Richey: My upbringing was pretty traditional.

[00:03:10] My dad worked a corporate job, worked for 30 years as a corporate executive, did very well in the corporate world. My mom stayed home with me. She worked part-time, but I think always wished she had or could have had more of a career, and for whatever reason, just. Through the various moves and whatever else, never really had the career that she wanted.

[00:03:30] And so from that upbringing, I think I imprinted on a very deep, subconscious level. Two things. The first is that money comes from men, because that’s what I saw at home and that’s what I saw with my friends. A lot of my friends’ moms were also stay at home. I also think that I imprinted that entrepreneurship is risky or that if you want to be an entrepreneur, it means that you are not going to have any kind of balance.

[00:03:54] That if you want to be an entrepreneur, you’re going to grind, you’re going to destroy your family life. That [00:04:00] entrepreneurship was a hard and risky path. 

[00:04:03] Jonathan DeYoe: It’s interesting I both take issue with that and it’s not entirely untrue, personally, I’m just learning. Just now I’m 53. I’ve been grinding for 30 years.

[00:04:13] I’m just learning how you don’t have to do so much grind. The risk has always been there, but the grind is self-imposed, potentially psychologically developed from early childhood. Like all the things that you talk about in the book and that so many other peoples have written about. So just before we dig into the book, give the Mind 20 audience kind of insight into your story, and you gave us a little taste, but what inspired you?

[00:04:35] What led to writing the book itself? 

[00:04:37] Diana Richey: The book actually started as an online course and what I wanted to do with the online course was set the financial foundation. So my goal for writing the book for my audience or my students as I had envisioned it originally, was to lay out soup to nuts.

[00:04:53] Everything you need to know to get your money in order. I was writing that for my audience. I was also very much writing that for [00:05:00] myself. I had quit my corporate tax law job, and I wanted to put all of my thinking in one place. 

[00:05:06] Jonathan DeYoe: You mentioned some of the bouncing around and the source of money being men and some of these other things, but what actually said triggered, you know what, I should turn this into a book, or maybe before that, what I should turn this into a course.

[00:05:17] Diana Richey: Yeah. So when I graduated from college, I always knew that I wanted to work in personal finance because I always had this intuition that it was this really interesting and wonderful intersection between psychology and numbers. I was walking through the undergraduate library and this charming second year medical student came up to me and said, Hey, I think you’re really cute and I wanna take you out on a date.

[00:05:40] And we went on a date and we fell in love. And a year and a half later we were engaged. And then at 23 I was married. And the story of the next 15 years is story of codependency. It’s a story of an eating disorder. It’s a story of a really big healing journey because what happened? That marriage [00:06:00] is, he was a second year medical student and he comes home and he says, I really don’t wanna be in medicine.

[00:06:06] I really wanna be in business. And I was really unconditionally supportive. And I was the only one in his world that said, you know what, if you don’t wanna be in medicine, follow your dreams. If you wanna be in business go do that. And so he gets a job at the Boston Consulting Group. We’re living in Chicago.

[00:06:20] And I start law school. I had gotten a full scholarship to law school and it’s now 2008 at this point. And he comes home from the Boston Consulting Group. He had just gotten a promotion and he says, yeah, I don’t really wanna be in business. I think I wanna be in medicine. And everyone said, don’t quit your high paying job.

[00:06:37] It’s 2008. What are you doing? And I was the one who said if you wanna be in medicine, follow your dreams. He says, great, and I wanna do residency. I wanna do it at Harvard. So 2008, we move across the country. I give up my full scholarship to law school. He takes an 80% pay cut. We sell our house, our condo, and lose our entire down payment.

[00:06:57] And we move to Boston and he starts his residency [00:07:00] and two years into a four year residency comes home and he says, you know where this is going? I really don’t wanna be. In medicine. I really wanna start this business. And so he, with two friends from the Boston Consulting Group, starts this business from nothing.

[00:07:14] And you talk about risky, right? This is a healthcare company that he started he worked probably a hundred hours a week finishing his residency, then flying in the middle of the night back to Chicago to work in the business and so on and so forth. He built this thing from scratch and I was the unconditionally supportive spouse.

[00:07:31] Not only because I. Try to think of myself as a good person and a loving person and have a good heart, all that, blah, blah, blah. But also because I was wildly codependent, because I had this narrative of money comes from men. I felt very dependent on this guy emotionally, so forth. So on. And fast forward to this kind of 2008 timeframe where I just had this meltdown.

[00:07:53] I was looking at my life. We were in Chicago, we were financially successful. This company was starting to take off. I had [00:08:00] a. Big log. We lived in a beautiful glass box and I just was feeling more and more drained and I had been fighting an eating disorder for a decade and I just looked around and I said, none of this feels authentic to me.

[00:08:13] I wanna get a dog. I wanna move to the mountains. I wanna live, I think I said in a tiny house in Colorado. None of this feels aligned. None of this feels authentic. I’m giving you all of this as background for what I wrote in the book, which is came in the aftermath of the divorce. So fast forward 2019.

[00:08:32] We get divorced, we mediate this divorce amicably, and his company at that point was worth $11 billion and he knew what his stake was. His stake was worth about 250 million at the time. He said he wanted a divorce. I said, okay, if you’re absolutely set on this, then we’re gonna do it amicably, because love first, love always wins.

[00:08:55] I’m codependent. We mediated this entire divorce in three hours and he lied to me [00:09:00] about the valuation of the company. He said, we’ll be lucky if it’s worth 10 or $20 million. And I took him at face value and I signed a divorce agreement only later to come to find out that at the IPO, I read the public filings, saw what he was worth, and it was that betrayal coupled with a couple of particularly abusive boyfriends in the post-divorce dating scene that really.

[00:09:25] Tuned me into this idea of what is looping in our subconscious, because at some point I had to say I’m the one who’s attracting this emotional manipulation. I’m the common denominator here, and so what is going on in my psychology? That combined with a long healing journey is how I came to these concepts.

[00:09:43] Jonathan DeYoe: It sounds like the stories in the book where you you guide readers to examine those early money stories. How do you tie that back to. Money comes from men or your relationship with parental figures, how do you say this thing that’s happening right now in this, the psychology that I’m [00:10:00] going through, the attracting of this thing being the common denominator, how do you tie that back to your childhood?

[00:10:06] Do you have deep therapy, psychoanalysis, or just time on a cushion? How did you even realize, oh my God, I’m the common denominator here and oh my God, this comes from something from my history. There’s a money story that I have. Because I think we’re dark to those money stories. I don’t think we see them happening.

[00:10:22] Diana Richey: That’s a great point. The answer to your first question is just straight intuition. So I, this guy that I had been dating had just broken up with me and in the course of breaking up with me, had for five hours berated me about all the things, all the reasons I was not enough. And it was so dramatic.

[00:10:40] This was April of 21. I was, I’m sitting on my couch at home and I’m thinking. This is such a dramatic moment. The universe is trying to get my attention and it hit me like a lightning bolt. Seven or eight years earlier, I had heard this woman, Lacey Phillips, on this podcast, she has this program called To Be Magnetic, where [00:11:00] she talks about manifesting the life of your dreams.

[00:11:03] Seven or eight years ago, I didn’t do anything with this program, but it just we all have ways that the universe communicates with us. Whether it’s synchronicity or eye contact or whatever your language with the universe is, however those intuitive hits come to you. This felt like a lightning bolt.

[00:11:17] It felt like an intuitive hit. You need to go do this program called to Be Magnetic. I started the program that day in the aftermath of this really dramatic breakup, and it really helped me heal my codependency. 

[00:11:29] Jonathan DeYoe: You have a series of traumas, a series of things that happen to you, and somehow you’re open to that intuition or open to that strike from beyond.

[00:11:38] What is it about your background or your own personal work that left you open to that strike? I think that’s the fundamental awareness that first okay, what I’m doing is not working. I need to do something else that I think is the turn. That’s something that many people do that, oh, this stinks.

[00:11:58] This is horrible. And they just get stuck in this loop. It’s [00:12:00] horrible. It’s horrible. It’s horrible. It’s horrible. And then I think they probably get the flashes, but they don’t see the flashes. So there’s something about your upbringing or your prior work that said, oh, that’s important.

[00:12:10] This thing, this flash, this intuition is important and I need to pursue this. Can you actually say what it was that made you ripe for it? Ready for it. Jump on it. 

[00:12:20] Diana Richey: I think the only answer to that question is the pain has to get bad enough. We have free will. We are humans, we have free will, and all that means is that the universe is going to tighten the screws and tighten the screws and tighten the screws, and it’s gonna get worse, and it’s gonna get worse, and it’s gonna get worse.

[00:12:34] And pain is. Is a gift. Deep pain. And I said I had this eating disorder for almost 15 years. That was the depth of suffering and misery. I can’t even explain the psychological and emotional pain. And that eating disorder forced me into healing. I spent 10 years. Trying every healing modality that I could, and it was [00:13:00] the depth of that pain that made me open to the healing modalities.

[00:13:03] And when I started to see that the meditation was helping me heal my eating disorder, it made me a lot more open to this concept that. Both healing modalities and signs from the universe are the antidote to the deep pain, and the sooner you embrace these, the less pain there is, the less deep the pain goes.

[00:13:21] So just surrender and do the work, do the healing. 

[00:13:25] Jonathan DeYoe: Was there a point at which you tied the whole arc of, 15 years of traumatic experience, relational issues, money issues to childhood, or are they independent of each other? They’re not independent of each other, but 

[00:13:37] Diana Richey: yeah. So one of the great practices that I learned from the TBM program is, they say become your own energetic pattern reader. And what they recommend and what I use and do in my own life is keep a journal, keep a list running list of everything in your life that triggers you. Everything that comes up and that feels like a test or a [00:14:00] challenge, just keep a running list.

[00:14:01] Like mine could be like, oh my, my dog just got attacked and I got in a fight with my husband and I felt really angry about that. And these seemingly unrelated things. Keep this running list of triggers and then every once in a while, every couple weeks look at it and almost like a 3D one of those magic 3D eye pictures.

[00:14:23] You can see. A theme or two themes coming out of those triggers that point directly at your core wound I’m not enough. I can’t support myself. I can’t trust that my needs will be met. Whatever that core wound is, it comes from what’s triggering you in your own life. 

[00:14:45] Jonathan DeYoe: You actually talk a lot about money as a reflection of self-worth.

[00:14:50] How did you come to see the link between financial behavior and emotional healing? 

[00:14:54] Diana Richey: That link between financial behavior and emotional healing is how I came to that. And it’s not to say that how much money you [00:15:00] have dictates your worth, it’s just that when you do the emotional healing, the abundance tends to follow.

[00:15:08] It’s like your job, the, your contract with the universe, your job is to do the work. Its job is to deliver the opportunities. 

[00:15:17] Jonathan DeYoe: I have a very close friend of mine and we’ve gotten, my brother died three and a half, four years ago, and this close friend of mine and I have gotten closer and closer over that time period.

[00:15:24] His name is Jay. He’s a magical being. He levitates, he floats. He has one foot in the after world and one foot in this world, and he acts and behaves this way and it A, drives me batty. And B amazes me at turns where he sees stuff that I’m like, how on earth? Do you see that? Like I don’t even get the connectivity he has with some things, but he has to pay rent and it’s very difficult for him.

[00:15:51] So he can’t connect those things. Whereas my way, there’s a goal da, you do this. And you discipline and you grind and you make it happen. Works seems [00:16:00] to work. Leaves me spinning, leaves me unfulfilled. All kinds of other issues for sure, but I think. Maybe I have activated the world the way it is set up within the rules.

[00:16:12] Does that make sense? In the us, in the western world, I’ve operated within the rules of the Western world. He, and I think to some extent you operate outside those rules a little bit with the program and the intuition and the feel, and I’m leaning that way. I don’t know how to get there.

[00:16:26] And I think most people. That I talk to are coming from, okay, you set a goal, you go to college, you get a degree. The degree leads to a thing and you get a job, and then maybe you get a better job. You talk to your boss, you get a raise, you get that we build our lives on this. What is the question in here?

[00:16:40] I don’t even know. I’m just trying to, I’m trying to balance these two things. I’m leaning more in that way, but I still can’t really see it. What is the bridge you took the leap, was it purely the trauma that led you to the ability to take the leap? Was it awareness? I meditate every day. I’ve done it for 30 years.

[00:16:59] Like I do this a [00:17:00] lot. I don’t really see that jump. I don’t really see the intuition piece. Maybe it’s just, automatic within me or something. But I’m wondering how readers that are interested, Hey, you’re right. I’m suffering. This is awful. I want to go there. How do I get there? How do I make that first step?

[00:17:19] Diana Richey: What I’d say is, let’s start with the bridge between those two things, right? The call it the material and the spiritual, the soft, the bridge between those two things is just sit down and ask yourself like, what do you want in life? What do you manifesting? If you could snap your fingers and have your dream life tomorrow, what do you want in life?

[00:17:39] Because what I’d say is like I do the inner work and the unblocking and the surrendering. Because I have found in my life, the more I do the inner work and the unblocking and the surrendering, the more I get what I want in life. I started meditating and. [00:18:00] I got myself a house in the mountains, right? I got outta Chicago and I moved west and I kept meditating.

[00:18:06] My husband comes home to me and says he wants a divorce. And at the time it seemed like the worst thing in the world, but now like it, it was not the right relationship and it’s good, I hope, for both of us that it disintegrated, right? And then I did this TBM program and I unblocked my codependency starting April, 2021 and November.

[00:18:24] 2021. I met the man of my dreams after a string of beating my head against the wall in the dating world. And then like I did a psychedelic assisted therapy, which requires the most surrender that I’ve ever been called to. And it came through that there’s this child that wants to come through. And now I have an 18 month old son who is the most.

[00:18:46] Precious angel, and I didn’t even know that I, on a soul level needed or wanted to have a child in this 

[00:18:50] Jonathan DeYoe: lifetime. 

[00:18:51] Diana Richey: You do the inner work and the surrender because it gets you the life you want. 

[00:18:56] Jonathan DeYoe: I’m wondering, and this is beautiful because I’ve never had this conversation with somebody else. So I do [00:19:00] the inner work.

[00:19:01] I have therapy, I meditate. I’ve done some of the journey work with Jay, with others, and as near as I can tell. That hasn’t led to outcomes. Obviously it leads to outcomes, right? Obviously there’s something that comes out of it. I have incredible insights. I learn about myself, I learn about the world, the integration, how we’re all one i, all that kind of stuff, those kinds of experiences.

[00:19:22] But in my life operation, in getting from point A to point B to get, I need the money to put my kids in college. I need to set things aside so I have money for retirement. That has always been and continues to be. I have a goal, I go to work and I grind and I make this stuff happen. Jay says, Jonathan I it blows me away your operational efficiency and I just sit down, head down, go to work, make it happen.

[00:19:46] And I love what I do. It’s not, I, it, I don’t feel like it’s a grind. I love what I do. So I’m wondering, is it, there’s two kinds of people in the world, is it that both ways are true and that maybe some people benefit from one way more than the other way? Is it that we all [00:20:00] need both ways? Have you found a way to integrate the two?

[00:20:03] Is there a third way that I’m missing? I’m just the goal of the podcast, the goal of Mindful Money is to help people, rebuild a better relationship with money. Especially people that don’t have access or who are worried about their next step and who don’t have access to advisors and these kinds of, because there’s, that’s 98% of us.

[00:20:18] That’s there’s so many people out there that need the support and help. Yeah, they have a difficult time making that first step. Recognizing what they need to do. And I think that there’s these two schools, there’s the intuitive school tapping. There’s so many different modalities out there to help people intuitively get there, to attract things into their lives.

[00:20:38] Mindset stuff. And there’s another school that’s okay, set a goal, do the thing. Think about Tony Robbins or motivational speaker kind of stuff. Are they separate? Do you think, how do we help people here? That’s They should read your book. I know, but do they? 

[00:20:51] Diana Richey: No.

[00:20:52] They yeah. How do we help people? There are three more parts to this, right? There’s the unblocking sitting on the cushion doing the meditations. The second [00:21:00] piece of this, which I don’t think I really talk about in the book, is seeing to believe that it’s possible. Finding people who are living your dream life.

[00:21:09] For example, for me, I was this girl living in Chicago and I was buying these personal care products that I still love, essential oil-based personal care products from living libations. This woman in Canada who lives on this lake with her family making these, personal care products. And I was.

[00:21:25] Nature based, family-based existence. Like how do I get peace? Relax. Like how do I, so she was my 

[00:21:32] Jonathan DeYoe: muse. 

[00:21:33] Diana Richey: Muse. And when your brain sees to believe that something’s possible. It helps you call it in. Helps bring it to you more quickly. That’s part two. Part three is passing tests. So when you start to take steps to call in your dream life, the universe is gonna throw you 

[00:21:52] Jonathan DeYoe: curve balls 

[00:21:53] Diana Richey: tests.

[00:21:53] So for me. I’m healing this codependency and I’m calling in the partner of my [00:22:00] dreams. And that ex that chewed me out for five hours, that helped get me into all this work, started stalking me, like calling me. He called me every week. He sent me flowers. He showed up at my door unannounced one day, and that was a test.

[00:22:13] And so in order to pass that test, I had to say. I’m blocking your number. I’m not taking your calls, I’m not engaging with you. I’m throwing your flowers in the trash. Like the universe has said to me, are you going to continue in the same patterns? And my actions had to tell the universe, no, I am breaking these patterns.

[00:22:31] If I had taken his phone calls, I would’ve failed that test. Like you have to take the action to cut out what is no longer serving you. Whether it’s, that addiction that you have, or the shopping habit that’s unaligned or the. The relationship that’s not aligned. Or 

[00:22:48] Jonathan DeYoe: there’s the phrase like, when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

[00:22:50] That’s the first.

[00:22:55] So the other thing that I think we see more and more is, and this is the social media piece that you probably have [00:23:00] somehow escaped that, I don’t know, you’re in the mountains in a house, which is a dream. How can readers of the book or people watching the podcast distinguish between developing a genuine self worth and this.

[00:23:10] Performative abundance. We all see someone else having this and they, they have this and they have this, and they have this, and I want, but that is actually performative. That’s the stuff that we see isn’t real. People rent cars to show in their videos on TikTok or whatever, right?

[00:23:25] It’s horrible. And that makes us all feel like less. But how do we know what’s genuine? How do we make sure we’re following a genuine path, not reaching for something that’s not really our heart. 

[00:23:36] Diana Richey: For me at my most ungenuine, when I was really going into that 2018 crisis. I didn’t wanna admit it, right?

[00:23:45] I was working for the big law firm. I was wearing the designer shoes. I was chasing the skinny body. I was chasing the beauty. I was chasing the designer clothes, and I just felt, over the course of those two years, I felt like I [00:24:00] couldn’t take one more step. So my energy was just drained and drained.

[00:24:04] It was like the universe was draining my battery and I wasn’t listening, right? I kept chasing. The city, the fancy condo, the whole thing. And eventually my energy was so low that it felt like I just couldn’t take one more step and I had to sit down and say, what do I really, what do I really want? And I had an acupuncturist who is a, in Chicago, who is an energy healer who helped me.

[00:24:25] Four, then is the taking line to action. And I should credit to be magnetic because this is all there teaching. I didn’t, this is Lacey Phillips. So step four is what we think of now that you have cleared out the things that don’t light you up, the things that are taking away your energy. You’ve created space.

[00:24:46] And so step four is doing the very strategic things that matter because. This isn’t just sit on the cushion and wait for the money to reign in. We need goals. We need to get up every day. We need some structure. We [00:25:00] need to get things done. 

[00:25:02] Jonathan DeYoe: Yeah. Real quick, summarize the four name, the four. 1, 2, 3, 4. 

[00:25:04] Diana Richey: Yeah, so step one, the Unblocking, your Subconscious Living Beliefs.

[00:25:10] Step two, expansion, finding Your Muse, step three. Passing tests, stopping and clearing out what’s not working. Yep. Creating space. Step four, take the aligned action. Do, but do the things that actually matter. Don’t waste your time on stuff that doesn’t be strategic and get it done. Yeah. 

[00:25:28] Jonathan DeYoe: I think you, you talk about money as flow, like water or breath or, how does this reshape, like how we interact with money, this whole process that we’re talking about. 

[00:25:38] Diana Richey: These four steps help us zoom out a little bit because when we think of money as its own discipline or we think of personal finance as a silo, it feels very how can we get it? How can we manage it?

[00:25:51] How can we budget? And I don’t even know what to do. And when we think of manifesting the life of our dreams. You’re gonna [00:26:00] need money, right? You’re gonna need money, in some cases, a lot of money to manifest the life of your dream. But it becomes a more I want time. I want peace, I want space, I want clean air.

[00:26:12] It becomes a bigger picture that feels a little bit softer, and it helps us. It helps take some of the charge out of I have to get money now. It’s what I have to. 

[00:26:22] Jonathan DeYoe: So I wanna shift gears a little bit, talk about caregiving and boundaries. I know that you mentioned things like setting loving boundaries is a critical to financial peace.

[00:26:31] How do you suggest someone begins there? How do you say no without feeling bad about it? 

[00:26:36] Diana Richey: In, in some ways I follow the four step process that I just outlined. The first step in setting boundaries is doing the work to believe that you’re worthy of having your needs met.

[00:26:46] And I couldn’t set boundaries for a very long time because I had trouble believing that I had needs and that they were worthy of being met. So yeah, before you try to set the boundary, whether it’s. Verbal, a verbal [00:27:00] boundary or even an energetic boundary or doing the work to A, identify what you need and then B, say, these are my needs.

[00:27:08] I’m confident in that and my needs are worthy of being met. Reasonable. Reasonable. And then I, the third piece is, for example, I’m able to ask my husband for what I need, and he’s got the space to do the same. He’s able to say to me, Hey, I need. X today, and I’m able to say, Hey, I need more rest today.

[00:27:26] Or, Hey, I need some reprieve. And we have that dialogue because when I say to my husband, Hey, I need some rest today, could you maybe hang out with Oliver? His response to me is, of course let’s get your needs met. It’s a lot easier to ask for what you need when you’re dealing with someone who is not gonna blow up in your face and who’s able to.

[00:27:47] Stay emotionally level or he can say, sorry, I’m really tired too. Like I don’t have gas in the tank. Let’s figure out something else. Being able to have, we call it a an at zero conversation where no one’s having emotional [00:28:00] outbursts. Ideally, 

[00:28:01] Jonathan DeYoe: has he also gone through the program? 

[00:28:04] Diana Richey: He doesn’t do the to be magnetic work, but he’s done Hoffman.

[00:28:08] He’s done. EMDR. He’s done 

[00:28:10] Jonathan DeYoe: his, another work that’s, he said his work, which is important. Why is there’s this point where you say that you’re not sure you’re worthy and you had to go through, do the work to determine that you were worthy of care of everything. Do you think difficulty receiving is a central issue?

[00:28:27] Think that’s a core issue that people have. 

[00:28:29] Diana Richey: Wow. I love how you said that. I’ve never said it in those terms, but I think you’ve nailed something there. Absolutely. I think it’s absolutely a core issue. 

[00:28:37] Jonathan DeYoe: You’ve gone through this process. What is it that you enacted? Or, okay, so you just moments ago said, if I need more rest, I ask my husband if I got any more rest, and he has a choice.

[00:28:45] Oh, absolutely. Let’s get your knees met. Or, you know what, I’m tired too, but you asked the question and that. Okay. I’m 53. I should probably be able to do that. That’s an important thing. But I don’t, I strengthen up, like I quote unquote, I man [00:29:00] up and I move forward.

[00:29:01] Diana Richey: Yeah. It’s, you’re not alone.

[00:29:02] This is Yeah. Not alone. 

[00:29:04] Jonathan DeYoe: And I know that, and 

[00:29:05] Diana Richey: yeah, 

[00:29:06] Jonathan DeYoe: I also know that, I know that, I also know that I man up and I’ve called, oh, look at what I’m doing right now. I can identify that myself as I’m doing it, and then I can usually come around and ask for what I need. But it’s because I’ve done a lot of work and it seems like we don’t do a lot of work.

[00:29:20] It seems like there’s not a lot of people, there’s a ton of people in therapy, but there’s not a lot of people that are just like. On their own, sitting on a cushion or praying or walking in nature or whatever it is, actively thinking about, oh, this is what I need and writing it down and journaling and it just, I think it’s an element of our culture that’s just not, it’s not widely adopted.

[00:29:39] And I do see that there’s areas, but I’m just wondering if there are practices you have or practices that, that have been beneficial for you that you would share, that you would say, Hey, try this. If you wanna receive and you have a difficult asking. Try this. 

[00:29:53] Diana Richey: I don’t have any unique practices for this other than to say this is one that I’m continuing to work on.

[00:29:59] I’ve [00:30:00] actually just introduced some yoga nidra into my practice ’cause it’s a little bit softer, so I can’t vouch for it. I can’t tell you that it’s a practice that’s gonna help you get there. But I do want to just amplify what you’re saying that. For both men and women for years, for so many years we have had the societal and cultural thing about, not focusing on what we need, focusing plenty on what we want, the whole social media thing, but not focusing on what we need.

[00:30:26] Having trouble receiving, not having balance between output and input between active and rest. We are just bathing in what I would describe as an imbalance between. Active. Young energy, yin energy. However you wanna say it. Masculine energy. Feminine energy in the, not men and women, but like the doing and the resting.

[00:30:47] The doing. And the resting. I think 

[00:30:49] Jonathan DeYoe: productivity is king. 

[00:30:50] Diana Richey: Productivity is king. I don’t know, I’ve heard it said from, people that are way more into these things than I am. Like I’ve heard it said that. [00:31:00] We are experiencing society and universally more of a global shift into balance between these two energies, this energy of doing and being, I have no idea whether that’s true, but I Oh, 

[00:31:10] Jonathan DeYoe: I think generationally I think we’re saying it.

[00:31:12] I don’t know what gen Okay. You do great. 

[00:31:14] I do think Gen Z, they’re far willing to say to their boss, no I’m not gonna be in the office. Like their farmer willing to say, you know what if you’re making everyone come back to the office, I’m gonna find a different job. Yeah. I think we’re seeing a lot more of that with the next generation.

[00:31:25] I’m Gen X. We work. Yeah. And I’m noticing that as I say things like as I describe my own behaviors, I’m worried about somebody giving me blow back for that. Like I’m actually worried about judgment right now. It’s an interesting thing. We’re getting really close to the end of time, and I always like to loop back around and ask a couple questions that are specific.

[00:31:44] So there’s a ton of noise out there. Ask everyone to simplify stuff for us. If you listen to an episode you probably know what’s coming. Let’s say you’re talking to a new coaching member. You’re talking to somebody on a plane, across the country, and they’re expressing challenges in this area.

[00:31:58] What is the very first thing that [00:32:00] they should focus on that would, something they could do right now that would lead to greater personal and financial success? 

[00:32:06] Diana Richey: What is your soul’s authentic essence? 

[00:32:08] Jonathan DeYoe: Discovery. Discover what your soul’s authentic essence is. 

[00:32:13] Diana Richey: Or just tell me because it’s on the surface.

[00:32:15] It’s not, it, no matter how far off path you feel, no matter how low you feel, no matter how in the depths you feel, you know what your soul’s authentic essence is. So let’s start there. 

[00:32:27] Jonathan DeYoe: It’s odd. I don’t,

[00:32:32] and for a moment I was like, wait, she’s saying that’s something for the audience members to think about. And I’m thinking about it going no, I don’t know what that authentic essence is. I know what a lot of things are, but I don’t think I could just name one thing or I’m not sure I know what an authentic essence is.

[00:32:50] Diana Richey: Okay. What about this? What if you took a pen and paper, start writing and start writing words that come to mind, and it’s gonna look like, it’s not gonna look like writing. It’s gonna look like,[00:33:00] 

[00:33:02] and maybe start there. 

[00:33:05] Jonathan DeYoe: Okay, now I know, I, now I know the practice that I actually do that leads to that authentic essence. I know it is, I call it the six most. So that’s what to do. What is one thing that they might already be doing or considering doing that they should not do?

[00:33:17] Something that culture says, Hey, do this, or do this. And you’re like, no, 

[00:33:21] Diana Richey: I like the phrase, if you don’t have 20 minutes to meditate, you probably need to meditate for an hour. 

[00:33:28] Jonathan DeYoe: Yep. Okay. Perfect. That sounds like a to do though, not a, not to do. 

[00:33:33] Diana Richey: Yeah. And this is where, I struggle with this too, right?

[00:33:36] I, some days I wanna meditate for six hours and I have to say meditating for six hours is actually detrimental. ’cause it takes you away, it takes up space, it creates more stress. So we need that balance between resting and doing or working. 

[00:33:51] Jonathan DeYoe: So it’s really about the balance, not just going all in on one or the other.

[00:33:55] Diana Richey: Exactly. It is all about the balance. 

[00:33:58] Jonathan DeYoe: So just before we wrap up, I wanna go back to [00:34:00] personal. Is there anything that people don’t know about you, or maybe you’ve said it and they don’t remember that you really want them to know? 

[00:34:08] Diana Richey: I don’t have a lot of gifts, but one of the gifts that I’ve gotten is a really analytical mind and I really am happiest analyzing financial statements, researching stocks, doing valuations, working on spreadsheets.

[00:34:18] I know that maybe didn’t come through. And all this woo, but I really do love analyzing problems, financial stuff. 

[00:34:25] Jonathan DeYoe: That’s financial stuff, right? But also from the right heart space. What’s the last thing you changed your mind about? 

[00:34:31] Diana Richey: I change my mind so often and the one that I go back most back and forth on is my exercise regime.

[00:34:37] I’m like, I should run. I should do hi, I should do. And my body’s no, you should do Pilates and go for long walks. And my brain, maybe it’s remnant of eating disorder, my brain oscillates between those like you wouldn’t believe. And it’s it’s one of those things I’m working on. ’cause it’s 

[00:34:51] Jonathan DeYoe: no resistance training.

[00:34:52] You should do resistance training. 

[00:34:53] Diana Richey: Yeah. I, yes, I should.

[00:34:59] Jonathan DeYoe: I that’s [00:35:00] like I, I did this, I do the same thing. I also, but I always come back to lifting heavy things. Yeah. Lift heavy things and then walk sometimes, but lift heavy things. Lift heavy things sometimes run, but lift heavy things. Thanks so much for coming on. This is a fantastic conversation.

[00:35:12] I think a lot of people are gonna a lot out of it, and I really appreciate your time. How do people connect with you? Where do they find you? 

[00:35:18] Diana Richey: My website, DianaRichey.com. There’s a tab called Work With Me. It’s got my book, my podcast, and my investment research. 

[00:35:25] Jonathan DeYoe: Beautiful, and I would recommend people go there and check it out and it’ll all be in the show notes and make it easy.

[00:35:31] I appreciate your time. 

[00:35:32] Diana Richey: Thanks, Jonathan. Appreciate you.

[00:35:37] Outro: Thanks for listening. Full show notes for each episode, which includes a summary, key takeaways, quotes, and any resources mentioned are available at Mindful.Money. Be sure to follow and subscribe wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. And if you’re enjoying the content and getting value from these episodes, please leave us a rating and review at [00:36:00] RateThisPodcast.com/mindfulmoney.

[00:36:00] We’ll be sure to read those out on future episodes.